Family Skeletons

I have a little known family secret. My mother was adopted. Now I know that's not very unusual. I know many people who are adopted or have adopted. Adoption isn't a novelty.

However, the circumstances surrounding my mother's adoption are anything but normal. I'd like to share my mother's story...to the best of her memory. I know it's long but I've been told by those who hear it that it is intriguing so it may be worth a read.

Mary Jane Ferriols was born in upstate New York. At the age of four, she was the second born of six kids. You do the math. She recollects that there was at least one set of twins. The children had various last names. Again, you do the "math"...multiple fathers. One day her father found out that her mother was having an affair. So my grandfather murdered my grandmother then killed himself. Keep in mind this was not the year 2009. This was 70 years ago. Unheard of.

Their family lived on a farm where they butchered cows. When the officials arrived, they corralled the 6 children into a side room. She could tell by their faces something bad had happened. While in this room my mother could hear the noon news on the TV coming from the next room. She heard her parents' names and the word "butchered." The only image this 4 year old farm girl could formulate in her mind was that her parents were being cut up and packaged like beef.

MaryJane and one of her half brothers were adopted by an incredible childless couple, Charles and Marion Bolton. More farmers. If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't know Jesus today. And, therefore, I wouldn't know most of you. In the state of NY, it was law at that time that siblings not be adopted by families within the same county (unless they were going to the same home). They thought it was best for the children to have no chance of running into each other. However, not long after their adoption, my mother's new family was attending the County Fair. Amidst the crowds and chaos, mom heard a child call her name. She turned around to see one of her siblings with his/her (she doesn't remember which) new adoptive family. Now I'm not sure what adoptive parents would do if that happened today. But because of that law of separation, both sets of adoptive parents quickly whisked their children away from each other. A chance of connecting with another sibling was lost.

My mother loved her adoptive parents and out of respect for them she never wanted to locate her biological siblings. She always told us that she would never initiate a search while her parents were living. This is a pretty common view for her generation. Her adoptive parents are now with Jesus, whole, complete and waiting for us in heaven.

So about a year ago I asked my mom if she would be interested in finding her bio-family. She said, "no." She felt there were too many skeletons in the closet and was afraid of being disappointed with the discovery of "sins of the past."

But something changed her mind and on this past Mother's Day she told me that she'd be interested in looking for her family. I was shocked! But excited! But, of course, this slacking daughter of hers has done absolutely nothing about it for these past 8 months! So a few weeks ago I decided to look into it.

I had no idea where to start. All I have is her birth certificate and her memory as a four yr old. I was just about to start asking for help via my blog and facebook when a fb friend posted an amazing status. She said that her husband located her biological mother and brother as her Christmas gift. Woohoo! Someone who's just been through the process! I immediately contacted them and they offered to help me!

There's no telling where this will lead. Maybe total dead ends. Maybe new family. All of that's in God's hands. I would appreciate your prayers as I search for the siblings of this little girl...

Well, if Courtney can do it...

Since my blog audience is slim I'm going to be brave and vulnerable. If Courtney can share her medical procedures, then I can, too! (I'm not competitive at all.)

This morning I had the "pleasant" experience of being poked and prodded on both ends: endoscopy and colonoscopy. Add to that a migraine and the fact that I'm a difficult find for IVs and it was quite a morning. And the results were:

Benign Esophageal Stricture: my esophagus has narrowed causing food to get stuck halfway down. It would cause pain and pressure in the chest and I felt like I was choking. And sometimes I had the "enjoyable" experience of the food coming back up. The condition is caused by stomach acids traveling up the esophagus and building up scar tissue over time. So during the procedure they inserted a balloon to break up the scar tissue which widened the opening. They also did a biopsy of the esophagus and stomach as a precaution. I will hear results in two weeks.

And on the other end: all clear! Yahoo! That's all you really need to know 'bout that! I'm not THAT authentic.

So I'm left with a headache and a massive sore throat...and I haven't eaten since Wed. But thanks to sweet Anna, I now have Turkey Hill Choc PB ice cream to smoothe away my worries!

So there, Courtney! Aren't you proud of me?!!!!!! (heehee)

Same Day, Miles Apart

"News photographers take pictures of the pen to be used by U.S. President Barack Obama before he signs an executive order at the White House."

"A man sits in his destroyed home in a suburb of Gaza City, Gaza Strip."

Does this disturb anyone else? We focus on a writing utensil while lives are being shattered around the world.

Supposed Power

Just thinkin'

I lead a pretty boring life and I've had a pretty rotten day. I'm due for a new post so I'm sitting here trying to think of a clever topic. Sorry. When one is tired and grumpy, creativity is far from one's reach. This is the best I've got.

Things I wish I was doing at this moment:
...making homemade donuts (a Zorbaugh family tradition on the first snowfall of the year)
...eating a bowl of Turkey Hill chocolate peanut butter ice cream
...sitting on my deck in the warm spring sun (although I want more snow before then)
...on a bike ride on the NCR without passing a single soul
...enjoying a shopping spree at Towson Towne Center with a $1000 gift card. Wait...while I'm dreaming, let's go for $5000.
...playing games with some way-cool, way-fun nieces and nephews. Dang it I miss them.
...standing at the base of a waterfall screaming my lungs out

Just be glad I didn't write what's really on my mind. Believe me, you wouldn't want to read that.

I Read Dirty Novels

I picked up this novel on January 1st and I can't put it down! If you were a character in the book, you may have...

• murdered your brother
• experienced complete destruction of the entire planet
• met jealous brothers
• known slutty sisters
• experienced your first pregnancy at age 100
• let your brother have your inheritance in exchange for a bowl of soup
• deceived your spouse, sister, parent, uncle, nephew, your cousin's sister-in-law's nephew
• prostituted your husband
• given birth to twins who were connected hand to foot
• had men knocking down your door to have sex with your male guests (and then you would offer your virgin daughters to them instead)
• seen a strange ribbon of color in the sky
• talked to a snake
• assisted your son in deceiving your blind hubby
• practiced polygamy
• had friends with the strangest names you've ever heard
• lived to be 900+
• prepared to sacrifice your only son to your God
• suddenly not understood a single word the guy next to you is saying
• offered to let your sister have sex with your husband in exchange for food
• tricked your nephew into marrying your homelier daughter
• worked 14 years in order to marry a beautiful woman (was she still beautiful after all that time?)
• asked your hubby to impregnant your maid (3 women did this...so far)
• manipulated for personal gain (is there any other kind?)
• lied about your wife being your sister (multiple times by multiple people)
• produced a superior flock by making the animals look at branches
• gotten your dad drunk so you could have sex with him
• seen cities exploding
• witnessed a woman becomes a salt lick (doesn't this sound Narnia-ish?)

And I still have over a thousand chapters to go! Can't wait!
You can read it too! The Novel

I Am Sarah

I am on a journey this year with some great friends, old and new. You can check it out here.

Today's passage was the soap opera with the well known cast of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, Ishmael, Isaac. In the first episode (Gen. 16:1-2), Sarah feels led to help God along with His plan to give Abraham a family so she offers Abraham her servant Hagar. And the rest is history. If you don't know the story you can check it out for yourself throughout Genesis 16-21.

I have always struggled with this account on a certain level. I mean, come on...put yourself in Sarah's sandals. If you know and believe God's promise of a huge family to your husband, and you know your body can't possibly bear a child, wouldn't you think "maybe the reason God is delaying this promise is because He's expecting us to figure it out and solve it ourselves." You know...engage in God's work! Jump in and participate in the mission! Just as Paul A. commented on the link above, "Our tendency is to mentally weigh all the options, make the list of pros and cons, use reason and logic to solve the problem." Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Why is sitting back, waiting for years doing nothing, more "spiritual"?

As I was journaling about this today and writing all these same questions, God revealed to me how identical I am to Sarah. He reminded me of a "Sarah" experience He took me through.

Years ago I found myself involved in some heavy conflict in my place of employment. You know the type: he said/she said; deceit; desire for truth; reputation; pride; miscommunication; selfishness, etc. I thought I was to be "God's instrument" and stay and fight for the cause. Be the voice of truth. Be the catalyst to bring everything to light. Carry out God's mission. You know...be Sarah. Finally, I listened to God's voice and resigned. But that was only the beginning. Throughout the next year I remained engaged in the situation even though I didn't initiate the contacts. Phone calls, emails, meeting, etc...leaders asking for my side of the story. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. It was becoming too emotionally draining and I wasn't experiencing the forgiveness, freedom, peace and joy that I needed in order to move on with my life. So I remember one dark night lying in my bed crying out to God in frustration. Literally yelling at Him as I told Him I couldn't take this anymore. I didn't want to be involved in this situation any longer. I wanted it to be over. So at the end of my mental rant I literally yelled out loud to God, "I can't do this anymore!!" And His answer was hushed but audible, "I don't need you."

"I DON'T NEED YOU." I was immediately flooded with release. God could work without me...how profound (read with sarcasm, of course). In the days that followed I informed those still contacting me that I was no longer going to engage in the situation. They could call me if they wanted to go on a picnic (why I picked that example I'll never know!) but I would no longer discuss the conflict. It was over for me. I was free. I was moving on.

And you have probably already guessed the outcome. It took a few more years but the truth did come out...WITHOUT ME ORCHESTRATING IT. I had to get out of His way so He could work His plan. I was Sarah.

God didn't need Sarah's plan, but He still used Sarah to birth His nation...in HIS timing.
God didn't need my plan, but He still used my words...in HIS timing.

Now I understand.

Prayer for 2009

The More I Seek You Kari Jobe

The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
Feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming

New

New year
New outlook
New blog
New goals
New vision
New friends
New aspirations

Same faithful God